Comparing College Football Teams to Comparisons of College Football Teams

So this guy sent me an e-mail with this link to this website that compared college football teams to a whole bunch of different pop-culture things – hilarious! No really, it was the funniest thing I ever read, seriously. Just thinking about it makes me pee my pants. So I thought it would be a fun idea to make up my own hilarious list! (And I’ve even linked the websites to their titles below!)

comparing College Football Teams to Rappers = Rutgers
by Sexy Results! (July 24, 2005)

They were there at the very beginning (as far as we can tell), and after a long while of going unnoticed they're enjoying a resurgence lately. Nobody but the die hard fans will recognize any of them besides the highly visible ones (Greg Schiano, Ray Rice, Dr. Dre, Jay-Z).

comparing the ACC to Smurfs = Clemson
by Golden Tornado (November 29, 2005)

You can see the potential, but the execution kinda gets off track part of the way through. Some major components/characters are just absent, replaced by lesser ones.

comparing College Football Teams to The Simpsons Characters = Alabama
by Hey Jenny Slater (December 1, 2005)

A lot of history & depth, and fans always point to them as one of the top overall programs. They're not relevant all the time nowadays, but every once in a while someone dusts them off and repackages them for another solid run.

comparing ESPN College Football to Arrested Development = Notre Dame
by Bastard Sons of Pinfall Marks (February 16, 2007)

They just have to be different - and most of the time it works. Tries to hold two lofty, yet opposed ideals together (academics & football, loved by the critics & the masses).

comparing College Football Teams to Action Movies = Florida
by Bring Out Your Dead! (June 22, 24, 27, July 3, 8, 17, 2007)

Lots going on here, but definitely not as rigid or uptight as some others. The main goal is to entertain, and they succeed admirably. Offense clearly trumps defense.

comparing the Big 10 to Cars = Michigan State
by The Hawkeye Compusion (August 15, 2007)

They have to try a bit too hard, and a lot of the time it's seems like they're trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. With a lot of sanding & polish they could be as good as they think they are.

comparing the Big 12 to Punch-Out Characters = Wisconsin
by Mizzourah! (September 16, 2007)

Sturdy, but predictable - you can see what they're gonna do from a mile away. Strong more often than not.

comparing the Big 12 to Potato Chips = Temple
by Mizzourah! (June 11, 2008)

It fits the mold, sure, but it also makes you a bit sick to your stomach. You just want to wash your hands and forget the whole thing when it's done.

comparing College Football Teams to Stand-up Comedians = South Florida
by Fanhouse (June 23, 2008)

Supported by huge institutions, they're obviously trying to get on the bandwagon. That's not to say they're not quality - they are, they are. But there's just something irksome about it all.

comparing the Pac 10 to Fine Wine = Nebraska
comparing the Big 10 to Beer = Kansas
comparing the SEC to Liquor = Kansas State
comparing the Big East to Reality TV Shows = Iowa State
comparing the Big 12 to Women = Missouri
comparing the ACC to Superheroes = Colorado
by the College Football Guys (July 1, 3, 7, 10, 15, 18, 2008)

Like the Big 12 North, they all fit together in their own way and some of them are above average. Overall, they can be pretty entertaining, whether it's a rant about a freshman QB or SEC boozin'.

comparing College Football Teams to a Stack of DVDs = Florida International
by the Sporting News (July 17, 2008)

Sparse, late to the party, and just not cutting it in any way, shape, or form.

comparing College Football Teams to Rock Bands = USC
by Bleacher Report (July 26, 2008)

When they're on, they're on. But there's so much potential, you can't help but be a bit disappointed.

comparing College Football Teams to Lollapalooza Bands = Texas Tech
by Boosh Magazine (August 7, 2008)

Starts things off fine, but then drops off considerably once the cupcakes are done.

comparing College Football Teams to College Football Team Comparisons = Duke
by the National Championship Issue (August 8, 2008)

Sloppy and one of the worst of the bunch (even the head coach admits as much). They're just hoping to make their point, whether it's that their football team actually exists, or that all these college football team comparisons have gotten way out of hand recently and need to just go away for a while.