the Founding Fathers and the BCS

I received a letter from Specialist Rich Stowell the other day that led to the idea for this post. Rich's take on the BCS and what some of the founding fathers would have thought about it is quite interesting. My vision of the way things might have gone is a bit different...

	A crowded bar in Boston.
	George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Franklin, John Adams, and Alexander Hamilton sit around a table eating and drinking.
Washington:	“Gentlemen, now that we’ve shed the yoke of tyranny, it’s time to talk about another pressing matter important to this new country of ours – devising a better way to figure out which of our states is the yearly champion.”
Franklin:	“Hear hear!”
Washington:	“Now, I think most of us can agree that the system we have now is terribly flawed. Some states, like the original thirteen colonies, have a built-in advantage, while the other states are seemingly out of it before the competition even begins. This hardly seems democratic to me and a lot of the other citizens.”
Adams:	“A tournament is quite obviously the answer. What could be more democratic than letting the states battle it out, winner takes all?”
Jefferson:	“Uh, what about voting? We all thought that was a pretty democratic way to do things, back when we wrote it into the freakin’ Constitution. I mean, correct me if I’m wrong here.”
Washington:	“No need to get sarcastic, Tom.”
Jefferson:	“I’m just saying, we’ve been using the votes to decide the champion for a long time now – since when did it stop working?”
Adams:	“Since the voters refused to vote for states not from the original thirteen colonies, that’s when.”
Jefferson:	“Hey, nobody is twisting their arms. We don’t have them fill out their ballots at the end of a bayonet, do we? No. They could vote for the newer states if they wanted to. It’s not the original colonies’ fault that voters think they’re the best. If the newer states want more respect, maybe they shouldn’t schedule weak-ass competition like Ohio and Indiana. Play somebody that’s actually half decent and maybe you’ll get some votes!”
Adams:	“They would, except New York and Pennsylvania refuse to schedule them because they’re scared – so now what are they supposed to do? “
Washington:	“Men, can we calm down a bit here and have a civil discussion?”
Franklin:	“Temperance puts wood on the fire, meal in the barrel...”
Jefferson:	“Aw hell, here we go again.”
Washington:	“Uh, you’ve got a little barbecue sauce on the back of your neck there, Ben.”
Jefferson:	“The simple truth is that the original colonies play harder competition week in and week out, and voters reward them for it.”
Adams:	“Tom, the voters are biased. That’s a proven fact.”
Washington:	“He’s right. Maybe not the weekly printers so much, but the state delegates are for certain.”
Jefferson:	“Sure they are, but I thought that's why we included the almanacs, like Ben’s. To counteract the voters’ biases.”
Adams:	“Oh spare me. The almanacs are just as flawed. How do you come up with those rankings again, Ben? You use raccoon and possum innards, right?”
Franklin:	“No, it’s a precise calculation based on the positions of the stars and planets, weather patterns, the Iroquois planting and harvest timetables, and home-field advantage. My rankings are as unbiased as you can get.”
Adams:	“They might be unbiased, but there’s a lot to the games that almanacs can’t see, like injuries, garbage time, and bad calls by the Quakers.”
Jefferson:	“No matter, John. The point is that voting is the most democratic way to decide who’s champion. Not some silly tournament where everything is left up to chance.”
Adams:	“How is it democratic when half of the states don’t even have that chance? That’s decidedly unfair and you know it.”
	The group turns as another patron a few tables over starts yelling loudly.
	“Give me a playoff or give me death!”
Jefferson:	“Shut the fuck up, Patrick!”
	They turn back to their own table.
Washington:	“Lord, Tom - who spat in your eye today?”
Adams:	“Oh, you didn't hear? Virginia lost to William & Mary a few days ago!”
Jefferson:	“Go fuck yourself, John.”
Adams:	“I mean, William I can see – he’s got a gun for an arm. But Mary? Mary?! She’s a girl for crying out loud!”
Jefferson:	“She’s 230 and runs like an ox, okay!? I’d like to see you bring her down!”
Washington:	“Relax, Tom. He’s just pulling your chain.”
Jefferson:	“Whatever. Everybody knows the southern states are best.”
Adams:	“As Voltaire said, I might not agree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to be an ignorant, delusional homer.”
Jefferson:	“Oh, fuck off.”
Washington:	“He’s right, Tom. The fact is that the newer states are at a significant disadvantage right from the start. They just want the same shot at the championship that everyone else has.”
Jefferson:	“Oh really, they just want a fair competition? You’re so fucking naive, George. Don’t you see what this is about? Sure, they want a fair shot, blah blah blah. You know what else they want? Money. This is a money-grab, plain and simple. The newer states are upset that they're not making as much money and they want a bigger share.”
Adams:	“No, this is about fairness and – ”
Jefferson:	“Oh, so you don’t want more money, John? Well then how about this – we'll do things your way, we'll have a tournament or whatever, but the original thirteen get to keep all the revenue. Does that work for you?”
Adams:	“Well, I...
Jefferson:	“Yeah, I didn't think so. Asshole.”
Adams:	“Bite me.”
Washington:	“Alright you two, simmer down. If I'm not mistaken, all of the states are making a lot more money because of the current system, isn’t that right Ham?”
Hamilton:	“Quite. We’re making boatloads more now than we were before. In fact, I'm thinking we might need to start some type of centralized banking system to keep track of it all.”
Washington:	“Right. So what's wrong with giving the newer states a bigger share?”
Jefferson:	“What's wrong with it? Are you fucking serious, George? What's wrong is the fact that they don't bring in any money! They don't contribute nearly as much as the original thirteen do. Do you know how many people watched Illinois’ last contest, George?”
Adams:	“Oh get off it.”
Jefferson:	“Five! One-two-three-four-FIVE! There were more cows than people there! The newer states just can’t compete when it comes to bringing in fans and selling newspapers.”
Washington:	“Alright, Tom, you've made your point.”
Adams:	“What happened to ‘All men are created equal’, Tom?”
Jefferson:	“That’s not what I meant and you damn well know it!”
Adams:	“Sure sounded like it to me.”
Jefferson:	“Argh! Alright, how’s this. ‘All men are created equal, then the original colonies beat the tar out of the other states year after year.’ How’s that, better?”
Franklin:	“Hmmm... doesn’t have the same ring to it.”
Jefferson:	“Shut up and eat your nachos, Ben. For the sake of argument, let’s just say that I agree that things are a bit unfair for the newer states. We’ll ignore the fact that they lose 80% of their contests with the original thirteen and that’s why we’re always ranked higher. Forget that little bit of truth. The fact remains that the original thirteen contribute over 90% of the revenue, so why shouldn't they get to keep 90% of it? You have never given a satisfactory answer to that, John.”
Franklin:	“He that is of the opinion money will do everything may well be suspected of doing everything for money.”
Jefferson:	“Don’t make me fight you, old man. I’m not saying that money is the only part – I’m saying that if we’re making the competition fair, we’ve got to make the revenue sharing fair too. What, do you want us to just put all the revenue into one bit pot and then give all the states the same amount? How is that the least bit fair, John? I don’t know what I’d call that... maybe... I don’t know, but it’s goddamned un-American, is what it is.”
Washington:	“So it seems to me that the situation is this: We need a system that achieves both fairness of competition and fairness of revenue. It must let all the states have the same chance at becoming champion and it must also pay out the revenue equitably too, possibly based on how much each state or region contributes to the common good. Does that work for everyone?”
	Grumbles all around. A boy runs over to the table and starts whispering in Hamilton's ear.
Washington:	“Good. That's settled. Now let's talk about this whole tournament thing. I think – “
Hamilton:	“What?!”
Washington:	“What is it, Ham?”
Hamilton:	“Some anonymous scoundrel going by the moniker 'aburr2656' just posted a note over at the Cambridge board slandering King's College! Fetch my pistols, boy!”
	Jumping up, he runs from the bar.
Washington:	“Okay, fine – we'll have to finish this another time.”